You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
