Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
