We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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