she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Randomize
