we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
