Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
