either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
