he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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