Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
