omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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