WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
