I didn't shave. On purpose
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
