why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
