I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
