i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
