When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
