i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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