Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
