He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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