trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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