yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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