Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
