I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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