On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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