someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
