You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
