The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
