my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Someone came in the potted fern
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
