He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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