phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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