the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize