FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
