Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize