If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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