if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
