so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
