i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
