Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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