So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
