I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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