thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
