They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
