The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
