Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.

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(858): View more from California

Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.

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(623): View more from Arizona

How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?

(1-623): View more from Arizona

You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.

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(509): View more from Washington

threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again

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(469): View more from Texas

I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.

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(602): View more from Arizona

It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...

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