I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
