i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
