And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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