Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
