i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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