as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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