He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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