glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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