you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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