you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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