he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
