my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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