oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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