I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
