Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
