You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize