i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
