I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
