i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
