Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your penis caused this!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize