mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
