i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
