??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
