Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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