It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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