Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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