i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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