All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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