i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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