Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
