The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
